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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Bit of Humor

"The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950). Explaining why he had turned down an invitation to a vegetarian gala dinner.

Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. – Fran L.

The West wasn’t won on salad.
- North Dakota Beef Council advertisement, 1990

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. ~Jim Davis

“I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning.” ~John B.

“It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat.” Robert Fuoss

My favorite animal is steak. ~Fran L.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. ~Calvin Trillin

A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat. ~Old New York Proverb

And I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food? ~Bill B.

1 comment:

  1. I thoroughly enjoyed these, they are SO funny!!!!!!!!!!! :) Thanks for posting them - must show Dan! :D

    ReplyDelete