Old picture of me washing toys. Circa 1992.
Comparison of Religious and Philosophical Theories in the Late 20th Century
[by various authors]
Capitalism: He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishna: He who plays with the most toys, wins.
Catholicism: He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Anglican: They were our toys first.
Greek Orthodox: No, they were OURS first.
Atheism: There is no toy maker.
Polytheism: There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism: The toys made themselves.
Church of Christ Scientist: We are the toys.
Communism: Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you are in big trouble if we catch you selling yours.
B'Hai: All toys are just fine with us.
Amish: Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
Taoism: The doll is as important as the dump truck.
Mormonism: Every man will become a toy maker someday.
Voodoo: Let me borrow that doll for a second.
Hinduism: He who plays with plastic farm animals, loses.
7th Day Adventist: He who plays with toys on Saturday, loses.
Southern Baptist: If your toy is a Disney product, you have a one-way ticket to Hell.
Independent Baptist: He who has toys must have them in church every time the doors are open.
Jehovah's Witnesses: He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
Pentecostalism: He whose toys can talk, wins.
Existentialism: Toys are a figment of your imagination.
Confucianism: Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
Non-denominationalism: We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.
Agnosticism: It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
Unitarian Universalism: We still haven't decided if the toys exist.
Militia: The government has taken too many of our toys and we need to get them back.
Reconstructionist/Dominion: The toys are broken. WE will fix the toys for everyone, regardless of their wishes.
Christian Identity: White toys are supreme!
Feminists: The female toys are victims and should get to “beat up on” any other toy that doesn’t agree.
Televangelists: If you will just send in your toy, we will be able to help a million more people.
Homeschoolers: He who keeps his toys at home wins.
Psychiatry: Do your toys sometimes make you feel depressed
Psychology: If your toys don't make you happy, get new ones.
Humanism: To thine own toy be true.
Anarchists: If we can't have our toys, no one can have toys.
New World Order/Illuminati: Our toys will rule the world!
Free Masonry: No information on toys is available to non-members.
Scholars - We understand toys better than you ever can, so we make the rules for playing with toys.
Nicolaitans: You need us to help you keep your toys in order and understand them properly.
Laodiceans: Everyone has a right to toys.
Gnosticism: The ultimate objective is to learn more about toys.
Mafia: If you don't give us your toys we'll break your fingers.
Truth: He who dies with the most toys, dies!
Better know where you’re going when you die!