Did You Meme That? #8 - Love IS Hard Sometimes

Quote reads: "Fall in love with someone who doesn't make you think love is hard."

We could start out talking about the problem with that phrase "fall in love" because it has its own set of issues. But, maybe that would be quibbling over something unimportant.

So first of all, I want to state right up front and center that there are people in this world who make love hard because they are not worthy of your romantic love. Yes, you can love them with the love of Christ, but after all, Jesus told us to love our enemies, and obviously you shouldn't be "falling in love" with or marrying your enemy.

Matthew 5:43-44 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 

What we're talking about here is romantic love, marriage love, love between a man and a woman.

Mark 10:6-8 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

Furthermore, this post is NOT about abusive relationships. Abusive relationships are hard - no question about that. In some situations the wife should leave if her husband is abusing her, and likewise the husband leave the wife if she is abusing him (less common, but it does happen). This isn't about those situations either.

This is about the love that grows between two people when they are on their way towards a marriage relationship.

So here it is: You aren't going to find someone who never makes you think love is hard. Yup. True story. Welcome to planet earth.

Before you or your friend or child heads down the primrose path to "love and marriage" it's good to remember this. If you're already married it's good to remember this. There isn't anyone who makes love seem easy all of the time - not that guy at school or college; not the wonderful guy you met at church; not the man who has the six digit income and a nice house and car; not the leader at church who is still unattached, not the handsome and dashing hero in that romantic movie or book (Oh, snap!). Not you and not me, dear friend. Not one person on this earth.

Why would I be sayin' such inflammatory stuffs? Well...

Isaiah 64:6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. 

Sin does make love seem hard sometimes.

That man, guy, husband of yours is a sinner and he will do and say things that will provoke you and cause anger. He isn't going to do something you expected him to, and he is going to do something that hurts you or that is inappropriate. He's going to be there with too little too late when you needed him to be there with a lot and on time. He's going to fail you when you were hoping for something better. The best of men are still sinners, and there will always be something at some point in your relationship that will cause disappointment, frustration, or even anger.

But then, you're going to treat him to the same exact difficulties. You are going to make love hard sometimes too. Oh yes. Let's own up, ladies. We certainly have our bad days and there are times when we are less than lovable. If we're honest with ourselves and the loves of our respective lives, we make love seem hard sometimes too!

Things will happen even when you're both trying to walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh, because we are not perfect yet. We strive against sin (hopefully), but we are not like Jesus yet because we haven't seen Him yet.

Paul summed it up for us in Romans 7:14-25,  For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. 

1 John 3:2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

There are other aspects of life that make love seem like hard work sometimes too.

Some kinds of health problems can be very challenging to deal with and may cause the well spouse to feel like staying "in love" is hard. Sometimes the one who suffers the health problems has a hard time feeling "in love" because the challenges of just living are so immense. Yes, there will be good times when you both appreciate each other immensely, but there will be difficult times when something is just wrong and there doesn't seem to be a way to make it right again.

Sometimes other trials of life can cause similar challenges - sick children, rebellious and troublesome children, death in the family, severe financial strains, natural disasters, the necessity of being apart for some reason for a prolonged period, etc. You get the picture. Many aspects of life can challenge our ability to love one another as we should.

I don't appreciate the teaching that is popular in some circles that love is a choice and not a feeling. While it is certain that love is not just a feeling, I personally believe the Bible teaches it is both a feeling and a choice. Read Song of Solomon (and set aside the overworked idea that it's about Christ and the church, which the Bible never says it is, by they way). There are plenty of feelings of love there. It isn't just about a choice. But, by the same token, the Bible also commands us to love our spouses. If it were not a choice, as the world often enough implies, we couldn't be commanded to do it, now could we?

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

Love is hard sometimes. Let's not fool ourselves with some unrealistic imagination of how the world too often presents it. Let's dig in and do the hard thing. Because that is what we are commanded to do in scripture - not just Christian love for our enemies, but romantic love each one for our respective spouses.

And for those who are not married, as well as the married, let's not measure the quality of that "special someone" by his failure to make our experience "in love" perfect. When you stop and think about it, that idea is ultimately selfish, isn't it? It says, "If you make me think love is hard, you are failing me and are therefore not a worthy person." The fact is that each of us will inevitably make love feel hard for the other also, and therefore qualify for the same harsh judgment.

James 2:13 For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment. 

Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 

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For more in this series: Did You Meme That?

Did You Meme That? # 3 - Casual Faith

"I believe the time is coming when we will not be able to take our Christianity as casually as we do now."  A. W. Tozer

The time to stop taking our faith (Christianity) casually is now. It was time when Tozer said this. There are American Christians who keep talking about the coming persecution and the imagined present persecution here (so puny as it is), but they sit and smile and give their approval as the devil literally devours them and their churches with Emergent, post-modern, New Age, Roman Catholic, mystical, Pharisaical, and/or humanistic teaching.

The time is not coming.

The time to "earnestly contend for the faith...once delivered" is now! It has been since Jude wrote those words.

1 Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

Jude 1:3-4  Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints. For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.

Did You Meme That? #1 - Don't You Dare Shrink Yourself...

I'm starting a new page at the Home Maker's Corner called "Words Mean Things".  I have had a growing burden for awhile about various issues related to words, writing, and speaking, and it seemed like it would be good to consider some of these things.  The first section to be added on this page is "Did You Meme That?" - a discussion of various memes that I've collected on blogs and in social media.  This is the first meme in that series.

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"Don't you dare shrink yourself for some else's comfort. Do not become small for people who refuse to grow."  Source unknown.


Because there is so much emphasis put on being strong and smart, and even fierce, these days, it could be a temptation to think that this is good advice.  But, as Christians we should ask how it measures up to the Bible and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Philippians 2:5-8   Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

We often hear and quote verse 5 without the following verses.  The mind of Christ is not about being big and important.  In fact, although He knew that He was equal with God as His Son, He did shrink Himself for the comfort of others!  He intentionally became "small" for people who didn't know how to grow or wouldn't.  He became a servant, He humbled Himself so that He could die for our sins and give us the comfort of salvation and eternal life!

When He was living on this earth He could talk with a woman who had had five husbands and was living with the man she then had without making her feel small (John 4:5 and following).  He could live with fishermen without making them feel small or ignorant.  He could tell a woman found in adultery to "go and sin no more" without making her feel worthless (John 8:11).  No, the key to not making others feel small is to humble ourselves as Jesus did, to shrink ourselves so that we can comfort others at the level of their suffering.

Someone might argue that the Pharisees and scribes were small-minded, which is true in some ways; but we tend to forget that they were the spiritual elite of their day and were held in high esteem.  They were the ones who refused to become small in order to help others learn to grow.  Jesus Christ rejected their high handed methods.

Romans 12:16  Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

We tend to think of condescension as a bad thing because of its modern usage.  But, let's look at where it came from.  "Condescend" comes from the Latin: "con" - together; "descendere" - descend.  It came to us through the Old French and in the Middle English it meant to "give way, or defer".  I think we've lost a good word somewhere along the way because literally this means to descend together - we might think of all coming to the same level with no one being above another (not to be high minded or exalting ourselves or others above measure, 2 Corinthians 12:7).  It also has the idea of giving way to others or deferring to one another.  In other words, being kind and not thinking more highly or ourselves than we ought.  Romans 12:3  For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

According to Samuel Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language, we find that "condescend" once meant "To depart voluntarily from the privileges of superiority; to sink willingly to equal terms with inferiors...To consent to do more than mere justice can require...To stoop; to bend...To agree to, or concur with."

Some of this reminds me of Jesus voluntarily taking upon Himself the form of a servant and stooping to our low estate as mere humans so that He could help us.  Whether the low estate of others is social, intellectual or spiritual, we have a truly astounding example in Jesus Christ who humbled Himself in all areas to meet us where we are.

Obviously, there are times and situations in which we cannot agree or concur with someone's small ideas of life, the Bible, right and wrong, and the world.  But, we can ask ourselves, "How can I point this person's thoughts toward the truth as Christ has done for me?"  Because, if we're honest with ourselves, we've all been that small minded person at some point in our lives and needed to have our views and ideas expanded in a way that would make us more conformed to the image of God's Son (Romans 8:29).

Strong people who know what they believe and why, are not afraid to meet someone else in the shallow end of the pool and gently help them learn to swim in deeper waters, so to speak.  Our family has a friend who is a very knowledgeable person.  He has studied long and hard and my brother has heard him discuss theology at a level that most of us would find almost impossible to understand.  But, he has a praiseworthy ability to level himself in whatever company he finds himself.  He can talk to people where they are mentally, spiritually, and in their education without them ever realizing that he is so far ahead of them in so many ways.  I respect him much in the Lord for this.  It is a real example to me of what it means to condescend in the biblical sense of the word.

To make ourselves small so that God might be made great in the eyes of someone else, this is the mind Christ.  We do not have to deny our own abilities or who we are before God to do this because Jesus did not deny His own deity, but He denied Himself in many ways so that He might bring us life.

Luke 9:23  And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

1 Peter 5:6  Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: